Plus, at one time, someone else wanted to commit to you for life, never mind that “for life” got demoted to “for a while.” I’m one of the divorced masses. Even if you ask follow-up questions, the answers shed little light on a person’s relationship skills.
A previous marriage, no matter how short, is the relationship equivalent of earning a college degree. Having been married doesn’t mean you’re any better or worse at relationships than someone who’s never tied the knot.
If you’ve been married before, the theory goes, you must have the ability to commit. On its own, the word “divorced” conveys only two things: 1) that the person was, at some point, united with another person in a legally sanctioned arrangement; and 2) it ended, and not because one of the partners died.
You don’t know whether it was more good than bad, whether the couple married too young and hung on for the kids, or what each person contributed to its demise.
Nor can you count on anyone to be a completely objective reporter about his or her relationship.
For many men, they find themselves married, with children, a job and the game is over.
But for other men, those who have either not been married by their 40s or are facing a post divorce life in their 40s, there’s a lot of good news that they need to know about.But we were not necessarily built for relationships that last forever. So often these days men find themselves single again in their late 30s or early 40s.They come to me and share their pain and concerns that they have to start dating again. It is much easier for a man in his 40s to find desirable dating partners of the female persuasion. You need only look at the numbers to figure out why.It doesn't mean a person cannot or will not stretch, grow, and improve, but expecting that loving them will change the core of who they are is unrealistic AND unfair. Get rid of the "Perfect List.” Be realistic, but don't settle. Don't look for crazy chemistry (again, you're not 20 anymore), look for affection, respect, love, honesty, and someone you can see being your BEST FRIEND and LOVER for the rest of your life.Don't fall prey to the unrealistic and relationship-killing "perfect list," because that person doesn't exist. Crazy chemistry is a wonderful thing, but not necessarily an indicator of a lasting love. Just like the person you're seeking, you've gone through some struggles, grown, changed, and are different from the person you were 20 years ago. And, although you may feel like a teenager being back out on the dating scene, you're not.Be aware of your deal breakers and red flags (lying, manipulation, drug use, addictions, cheating, etc.), but be willing to find out the WHY behind the person's perceptions or responses. You might just find that they're being cautious, careful and a little guarded because they, just like you, are HUMAN, have been hurt, and are looking to love and be loved. Unlike the wide-eyed and malleable people you were dealing with in the early years, this person has experienced life, formed their own opinions about the world, determined what they want, who they are, and how they want to live their lives.