Julia Allison got her start in media as a columnist at Georgetown University, writing the college's first ever dating column.After graduating in 2004, Julia moved to New York where she began writing for various publications including Cosmopolitan, New York magazine, The Huffington Post and Men's Health.It was incredibly tame, but at the time it was seen as scandalous. You always compare your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel. Sometimes I call myself a hacker—not of computers, but of life, and my career. The lesson for women is to be scrappy, aggressive, even masculine in your career—but NOT in your relationships!
I started this column to "visit unconventional experts and delve deep into toxic patterns I may have unconsciously been replicating in my love life. If you don't believe you're deserving of love on a deeper level (I'm not talking about what you say, I'm talking about how you feel inside), you will be met with unavailable, disinterested, or non-committal partners—or you'll find men who love you, but whom you don't find to be a good match. When I look back at my relationships over the years, I've gotten exactly what I—deep down—thought I deserved.
I'll talk to a tarot card reader, work with a love coach, visit witches, attend a pleasure workshop, and sit down with a mind architect, all to see whether I can actually move toward the thing I want most in this world: love."What I had expected happened: The experiments were messy. You'll feel those insidious doubts and you'll wonder in frustration, "Is this it? And it's clear that sometimes I didn't feel I deserved very much, at all. I listened, I learned, I confronted issues within myself that I had buried for decades. So I evolved myself, and in the process, a miraculous thing happened: I stopped caring about the end goal—this future husband, this future marriage. It's that I started loving myself, and I felt whole.
She is co-founder of nonsociety.com, and is currently a weekly columnist in Time Out New York and host at TMI weekly.
For the past three years, Julia has been a professional talking head, making over 350 on-air appearances in the past year alone, including CNN, MSNBC, Vh1, Fox, E!
And I found the question inside me shifting from "How can I find a future husband who embodies everything I want in a man? Prince Charming wasn't coming, and that was actually okay.
" to "How can I become the woman that man would want to marry? Instead I choose to focus on creating a life so full of adventure, love, and growth that I'm fulfilled without such a man. I met the very man I had been looking for all along.
Do you have any regrets about how your fame—or “microfame,” as some called it—played out on the Internet? You learn your lessons the way you’re meant to learn them—some that I learned were very painful. I’ve always been fascinated with technology and social media, and how they can be used to convey a narrative. I regret that some people took it for a fascination with fame. If something stings me, I need to think about why that’s stinging me. I want to reach young women, touch them, help them feel less alone—to teach, entertain and inspire. For more on Julia Allison, follow her on Twitter twitter.com/Julia Allison or visit her website
It’s amusing to watch the rest of the world catch up to what I was doing 10 years ago. What did you hope to accomplish by sharing your personal experiences on the Internet, like the blog Jakob and Julia you had years ago with your then-boyfriend Jakob Lodwick (founder of College and Vimeo)? I wrote about my college bulimia in 2009, and I still get emails about it.
(They say you teach what you yourself need to learn.
Perhaps I knew then, maybe subconsciously, that I didn't have the tools for a healthy relationship, evidenced by the decade of dating that followed). And, most importantly, I found peace—and a new theory on love and relationships: I believe that you receive the partner best suited to whoever you are, whatever lessons you need to learn, whatever stage of development you're at, and however you see yourself. It lies in you to make the changes that you need in order to have the relationship you want.
But, in “Miss Advised,” you show your vulnerable side, and how much some of the online attention has hurt you. If you’re using it to prove something, people will sniff it out, and you will get burned.