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Dating a recovered alcoholic aa meetings
“'Two sickies don’t make a welly,’ my 80-year-old sponsor used to say.” According to James, a 33-year-old photographer from Los Angeles who’s been sober for eight years, when he first came to AA he listened to what his sponsor told him and religiously avoided dating women in the program.
He didn’t date anyone at all for the first six months—he was in a Salvation Army men’s rehab anyway, so it wasn't like he had much of a choice.
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Our Sobriety is the Most Important Aspect of our Lives. The good: I've been sober/in active recovery from drugs/alcohol for over 6 years.
I guess I still liked hanging around screwed up people, even if I wasn’t using. I still found something sexy about it.”The Big Book doesn’t specifically state that dating is forbidden in the first year of sobriety, but you’ll hear this suggestion bandied around the rooms plenty of times. Christine Milrod, a sex and life coach in LA, suggests that this is because “many people in recovery have previously used for so long that they have no idea of who they truly are.
They need to get to know themselves on a very deep level and enjoy self-acceptance before rushing into a sexual relationship.” She advocates psychotherapy for examining past behaviors and coming into the self-acceptance necessary for entering into healthy relationships.
The first few months of recovery are often described as an emotional rollercoaster because there is so much going on.
The last thing that an individual will want to do will be to add the stress of a new relationship to the mix.
While Mary, a 26-year-old former heroin addict in Oakland, agrees with this assessment, she also admits that staying single in sobriety—particularly during the first year—is challenging.